Well, I know that you all are thinking "Where in Gods name has this chick been?"
To answer your question, I the day after my last post I moved in with my first love Cody, we moved in, everything was perfect. Our days were like living out my dream.
His alarm would go off at 6 in the morning and as always he kept sleeping until I rolled over, shut off the alarm and kissed him gently to wake him up, he got up god dressed while I layed in bed and watched his routine as he got ready. I would slowly drift off to sleep and then come kiss me before he walked out the door and I rolled over and fell back into my dreams.
Then around noon I would wake up and throw on some decent clothes so our room mates would not see me in my boyfriend only appropriate pajamas, brushed my teeth and began to clean the bedroom. Make the bed, put away the clothes he left scattered around the bedroom and then went out to clean up the house. Go out, make sure I paid the bills he left sitting on the bedside table, then settle down and watch movies until that time ran by I had left to spare, clean up some more to make everything look more clean, got in the shower, went and put on some nice clothes, do my makeup and hair so that way my man had a nice clean house to come home to, and a pretty girl to look at, then start dinner. Once he drove into the driveway and I ran to greet my love at the door and we settled down to enjoy our time together, eat dinner then head off to bed<3 I was happy being Susie Q house wife.
Until everything came crashing down...
One day he came home and told me his deployment got bumped up to 3 months sooner, so we dealt with the pain and moved on and enjoyed the rest of the night with our best friends, we drank and had fun like always until he went to the back with his friend and came out two hours later (by this time it was nearly 5 in the morning and me and his friends girlfriend were very, very intoxicated) When I went to the back to talk to him and see why he had been gone for hours he told me that the Marines changed him, he was cold and had no heart with no heart to love me. We went on in tears talking for hours until we fell asleep. By the time I woke up with only 2 hours of drunk sleep and an awful hangover he said he would drive me to my parents and we were done...
So now that I have moved back home I have not been in much of a great mood to write until now. Its been a new weeks and I have cried my tears and moved on. But now for the good news.
My break up was quite depressing and had me locked away for months crieing and trying to figure out where I went wrong, so I decided I would simply not take this pain anymore.
The heart is a fragile thing and in the second of a heart beat it can turn your world into a masochistic place of darkness, living in such darkness can change you. It can do one of two things, turn you into a black hole of emptiness, or it can change you and make you open your eyes that it is not everything. Love is not something that can let you ruin your life. It's amazing how you can change once you realize that love is not what you should focus your life on.
So I chose to let it change me, I am not going to let love run my life. It is amazing to have your heart held by a man and feel loved for the rest of your life, but its also great knowing that you will be on your own without needing a man. I am now accepted and enrolled into college, training in Phlabodomy and and EKG Tech I am moving into my own place. Love has run my life for way to long and it is time for me to set up my own path and stop following the path that a man wants to me.
I am my own person, I have my own life to live and I do not need to let some man who claims to love me telling me what I should do with my life.
This is my choice, and I will not let someone else tell me what to do, where to go, how to live.
